Marcus: One Year Gone
August 19, 2010. The sun was shining, the humidity high, the heat penetrated the growing corn as I laid in bed in Des Moines, Iowa. I woke up at 8:03 and with my head still on the pillow I watched the digital clock as the numbers ticked by until they reached 8:36, which is 6:36 […]
The Trapeze Artist
I had my last appointment with my grief counselor, Susan, a few days ago. No, I did not get a diploma or any certificate to prove I had successfully completed some set course of therapy. I wish it were that easy! Unfortunately, the grieving process will most definitely continue. But I did get a parting […]
The “Romantische Strasse” Awaits
I was going to write about how surprisingly difficult, emotionally, this move out of Portland has been. I was going to explain how for someone who is a free-spirited gypsy like me, who moves on average every 8 months, this time it feels harder than usual to uproot myself from my nest. I was going […]
11 Months After Marcus: Life in Full Bloom?
You’ve seen it in fall, winter, and spring. Here is the tree in summer, the tall maple on Floral Street that has come to symbolize my cycle of grief. The cycle that started 11 months ago today, the day Marcus died.But does this new crop of robust green leaves truly represent my life? Do I […]
Happy Birthday, Marcus — Happy Birthday, Me
Marcus would have been 44 today. If he were still alive. I have been dreading this day for several weeks now. Anyone who’s grieved a loss will tell you the firsts are the hardest: the first Christmas, the first anniversary, the first birthday, the first you-name-it, any milestone missed by your loved one is a […]
12 Tips for my Fellow Grievers
I’m not an expert on grief really, I certainly never aspired to be one, but I have learned a lot about the subject in the 9 and 1/2 months since my 43-year-old husband Marcus died. I have learned that even though my pain has been so excruciating, so heart-shattering, that I’ve wanted to die (and […]
What the Psychic Says
I love my grief counselor. She is helpful, compassionate and wise. I don’t know how I could have survived these past nine months without her. But because I can’t live with my grief counselor 24/7, I supplement my counseling sessions with my own forms of therapy – hiking in the forest with my dogs (see […]
A Life of Contrasts
One of the qualities I pride myself on is my range of adaptability. I am equally at home camping in the wilderness (with no toilet or shower for days!) as I am staying in five-star hotels (soaking in a Jacuzzi bath and ordering room service). Marcus shared this love of contrasts and we even had […]
Heidi’s First Pie
Friends of Marcus and mine, Lyndsay (Canadian) and Andreas (German), had a baby two weeks ago. I went to the hospital the day before Easter and met Heidi when she was less than 24 hours old. Marcus died 8 months ago, which means Lyndsay was pregant when she came to the funeral. I swallowed the […]
The Search for Pie – San Pancho to Sayulita
It was like a treasure hunt. Upon arrival in San Pancho, Mayte the hotel owner gave me a map. I had just walked through the tiny village and laughed smugly to myself, “This is the last place on earth I could open a pie shop.” To my amazement, there on the map was an ad […]