"Give a Piece a Chance." — Books. Blog. Pie Classes. And a Pinch of Activism.
I love my grief counselor. She is helpful, compassionate and wise. I don’t know how I could have survived these past nine months without her. But because I can’t live with my grief counselor 24/7, I supplement my counseling sessions with my own forms of therapy – hiking in the forest with my dogs (see … Read more
One of the qualities I pride myself on is my range of adaptability. I am equally at home camping in the wilderness (with no toilet or shower for days!) as I am staying in five-star hotels (soaking in a Jacuzzi bath and ordering room service). Marcus shared this love of contrasts and we even had … Read more
After several weeks in LA, I’m packing up the RV and returning to Portland. I’ve never been so looking forward to going back to the rainy Pacific Northwest – more specifically to the quiet, calm sanctuary of my little treehouse apartment set on the edge of a vast, womblike forest. These last weeks have reminded … Read more
Friends of Marcus and mine, Lyndsay (Canadian) and Andreas (German), had a baby two weeks ago. I went to the hospital the day before Easter and met Heidi when she was less than 24 hours old. Marcus died 8 months ago, which means Lyndsay was pregant when she came to the funeral. I swallowed the … Read more
(Photo: I is for Infinity Pool.) I realized when I looked back on my day yesterday that it was full of Ms. My day began as it does no matter where I am, writing in my journal, writing about Marcus, writing to Marcus. In this case I was in Mexico drinking Madomi coffee. This was … Read more
My friend Matt once said to me, “Beth, you’re happiest when you’re baking pies.” If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, then you know I have been baking a lot of pie lately and it’s not eradicating my grief. How much more fucking pie can I make before I stop feeling suicidal over … Read more
Seven months ago today the date was August 19, 2009. That was the day my life changed forever. That was the day Marcus, my husband who was healthy, smart, funny, sexy, gorgeous, fit and, okay, yes, sometimes annoying (he wasn’t perfect, we’re not going to canonize him here), died of a ruptured aorta. One minute … Read more
Marcus died three months ago today. When is it time to let go of his stuff? Six months? A year? Ten years? Never? We kept a storage unit here in Portland and I gathered up the nerve to set foot in it last week. Actually I went only to look for a tax document and … Read more
PHOTO: Returning to familiar territory. Our old house (right), my new house (left) “You seem better,” my dad said to me when I saw him this past weekend. Really? Am I better? Is better when you take the dogs on their nightly walk in your very quiet neighborhood, inadvertently get scraped by a thorny blackberry … Read more
If your husband has just died and if you are anything like me, which I hope you are not, this is how you “celebrate” your sixth wedding anniversary. PHOTO: Walking toward the light. Our wedding in Alpirsbach, Germany, six years ago. You start the day by opening your eyes, struck once again with searing grief … Read more